I turned in a part of that dissertation chapter that was driving me frackin' nuts. It is not complete, bu it is a demonstartion that I am working on the dang-blasted thing. It will also provide me with a bit more of a road map for the next parts of that chapter (in addition to the parts that need mending as it is). I can also move on to another chapter which should flow out much more quickly and completely. That one could be quite lengthy and productive as well, so we shall see. Keep your fingers, toes, eye, whatever, crossed! :)

telos vs. eschaton

I am still struggling with that stupid dissertation. I am still working on it, but I allow myself to get distracted from it very easily. I have had other things going on, but honestly! I do want to finish this beast, but the Cunctator-like delays I keep getting myself into have left me wondering. Finishing this thing would be an end. What kind of end would it be? What do I want it to end? This is the conundrum. I may like some odd, open-ended narratives in my favorite stories and films, but do I like things so neatly tied up and completed in life? How are they tying up--coming together to weave a tapestry that I can look back on or a noose around my neck? I honestly am not sure what I feel. I have had some wonderful experiencecs since I came to Vandy. I have had some gut-wrenching crap. Granted, this is normal and happens to everyone, but I am still a little stuck, stagnanting and wondering why I am having so much trouble completing this final step. I know that I can move on; do I not want to move on? I do like the people here, & I am used to the area. But couldn't I find wondrous new things? I guess it's part of my nature as a bit of a walking contradiction. The social homebody. The courteous bitch. The ambidextrous dyslexic. The magpie who will be distracted by the next shiny thing but who likes consistency. The guy who finds great comfort in having a set routine but loves new challenges. The guy who plans out his spontaneous impulses. I know how this sounds. You say I'm crazy...I got your crazy! (Thanks Britney!) I guess this is also due in part to the fact that my most recent birthday (Tuesday) was one of those dreadful milestone ones and I am not where/as I would like to be. *remembers Buffy's "cookie dough" speech to Angel in the last episode* Then, again, if I get this big thing done, I still won't feel complete. But I don't see getting the other parts of mi vida loca complete without this one. I guess it's off to work...and then TrashMasters. ;) ¡Arriba el telón!